Replying to My ‘Dear My 21 Year Old Self’ Letter

Dear Me,

First of all, Happy 21st Birthday! It’s insane to think that you are 21 whilst reading this because I still remember being 15 and being so sure that I wasn’t going to make it to my 18th birthday, let alone my 21st! I hope you are proud of yourself for how far you have come since then and are in a better mind-set. You are currently not in the best mind-set but definitely in a better mind-set than when you were 15. You still have your down days and are currently quite irritable and tend to isolate yourself, but you do feel better in yourself overall. I hope that you are less irritable and not isolating yourself as much because people will only stick around for so long before finding someone else who will treat them better. Hopefully, you are reading this in an even better mind-set than now, content with life and surrounded by both friends and family who love you very much and have supported you in your journey. Please remember that blood is just a mixture of cells suspended in plasma and you do not have to feel guilty for not liking those related to you by blood. It is those who have shown that they are there for you that matter and it is perfectly acceptable to spend your time with them. No matter what, I hope you are happy because you deserve it so much.

I remember writing this a year ago and thinking that I was going to be this positive person who was never sad or had down days, which I now understand is never going to be the case, purely because that person does not exist! It is normal to be sad and to have down days – how else do you learn to appreciate being happy and having a good day?! Honestly, I still suffer from depression as much as I was a year ago, but my anxiety and confidence has improved so much in the past year. I am challenging the anxious thoughts in my head on a regular basis and am no longer letting them control me as I once did. I still have a long way to go and that’s okay – I’m hopeful that 2018 will be the year of growth and prospering that I want it to be.

I hope that you are still studying Physiotherapy. You will be in your third and final year whilst reading this and therefore so close to graduating and becoming a Physiotherapist. I hope that the idea doesn’t scare you as much as it does now and you feel more prepared. I really do hope that you have stuck with it despite the constant doubt and exams because you genuinely do love it and you will be a fantastic Physiotherapist. Just remember to keep brushing up on your anatomy!

I did stick with Physiotherapy and am currently in the second term of my third year, but the idea of graduating still terrifies me. This will be the first time I am out of full time education, although I do currently have a part-time job so it will not be my first job. I feel like there is still so much I don’t know and I don’t feel ready to be treating patients. Hopefully these next six months will make me feel more prepared.

I hope that you are more confident than you are now. I think your main problem is your lack of confidence in yourself, probably due to the fact that you have spent the past 5 years battling yourself as is common in anxiety and depression and therefore do not know whether to trust yourself. I hope that you have found a way to finally trust yourself and therefore found your confidence and are able to hold your head high.

I hope that you have a better idea of who you are as a person. I think your 20s are the years when you truly find yourself and decide what sort of person you want to be. I hope you have gotten better at applying make-up and have found your style, because at the moment your dress sense is a combination of lots of different styles. I hope you have gotten more piercings or tattoos if that is what you want and that you love them. I know sometimes you tend to be impulsive so I hope you took the time to think about your decisions beforehand because whilst piercings can heal, tattoos are permanent.

I have not actually gotten any more tattoos or piercings in the last year but I would like to get another cartilage piercing alongside my current one on my left ear. I will probably get another tattoo in the future but it will definitely be something small and meaningful and I do not currently have anything like that in mind. In terms of make-up and style, I think I have improved in both. I am finally finding my style and choosing what I like on myself rather than what I like on other people. I finally bought a foundation that is actually in my shade and my best friend Grace is always telling me my highlight is on fleek so I cannot be doing that badly?!

I hope that whatever your current relationship status is, you are happy. The past one and a half years have been a bit of a mess for you relationship wise. I think you got thrown in the deep end and forgot how to swim but are slowly learning. You are currently desperate for a significant other and as a result, have a tendency to dive headfirst into new relationships and end up getting hurt. Please remember that you are a whole without them – they will not complete you and should not have to. Whether it’s a boy or a girl you have decided to love or have not made up your mind yet, I hope that you are okay with your choice as are the people around you. As someone once said, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

I am currently single, although I am open to the idea of a relationship if one presents itself. I am no longer trying to be in a relationship just for the sake of it, but instead am waiting for the right person to come along. I’ve been on a few dates and met a few potential people, but only time will tell whether they turn into something long-term. I still do not know whether that someone will be male or female, but I am excited to find out.

Forever and always,

Hannah

 

13 comments

  1. Please remember that blood is just a mixture of cells suspended in plasma and you do not have to feel guilty for not liking those related to you by blood… To be fair, though… Those cells contain the genetic material- the blue print of you!!
    However, a really nice concept!

    Liked by 1 person

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